Right brain v. Left brain

I am a perfectionist. Rather, I strive for perfection. I am typically a very organized, together person. I like to do everything I do the best that I can, and when I can't for some reason, I feel like I failed. Yes, a bit extreme, but it's who I am.

I love lists. I love making lists, maintaining lists, and crossing items off of lists. Sometimes I write down something that I've already done just so I can cross it off. At the end of a day, a completed list means that I spent that day in a worthwhile manner. Learning to relax when the list goes unmarked is going to be a life-long job for me, and I'm learning to accept that about myself.

Going back to work last year sent me into a tailspin. I never felt like I was accomplishing anything, in any aspect of my life. If work was going well, then my kids didn't get bathed. If the house was clean and my family was happy, then my planbook was empty. This was very frustrating for me, as you may be able to imagine.

It's summer now. My house is almost back in order, and my classroom is neatly packed, waiting to be re created come August. I am relaxed (mostly) and rejuvinated. I am looking forward to diving back into the chaos, and being sucessful this time!

I suppose that says something about me...I didn't give up, even though I kept hoping for a nervous breakdown so I could be locked away somewhere quiet that didn't allow list-making supplies. Just for a little while. I made it through the year, all my students were alive when the left me, and some even cried at the thought of missing me all summer. I know I did a good job as their teacher, but the price I paid was high, at least in my eyes.

I am excited about going back. I'm in a new classroom with a mounted smartboard, but I'm in the same grade. I know what to expect now, and I can't wait to tackle it head-on. Am I done stressing? No, not by a long shot. Cam will be in first grade, which will invite a whole new set of issues, as I try to keep my teacher hat and my mommy hat separate. Sam is starting third grade, and I'm not sure I'm ready to handle an SOL year.

I am making resolutions: I will not work so many hours, I will set higher expectations for Sam and Cam as we work together to keep the household running, I will spend more time sitting outside with the girls, and I will scrapbook on a regular basis. I will keep my paper-grading up-to-date, I will have plans and copies made before they're needed, and I will maintain a high level of communication with the parents of my students. I will also do my best to talk to Anne a few times a week, and not give my husband reason to ask, "Have you taken your medicine today?"

Seems like a lot, but I think I can do it. I just need to start the lists now.